Support me, I'm a Grandparent
In an age where separation and divorce are far from uncommon experiences, grandparents often fear that such break-ups might result in a severing of the relationship between them and their grandchildren, especially if it is their son or daughter who has chosen to leave the marital/family home.
Where break-ups are managed well, and where the hurt and anger is contained for the sake of the children, losing contact doesn’t have to be the result, and shouldn’t be, for children need their grandparents, they are a valuable presence, a symbol of support, continuity and belonging in an uncertain world.
Grandparents support of children
The role of grandparents is a precious one. All the joys of spending time with and caring for a child with few of the stresses.
Children benefit from reassurance at times of change – that they are loved, that it is not their fault and that they have someone to talk to about their feelings. It is important to remember they may feel conflicting loyalties – listening without criticising either parent will help them to continue to talk about their feelings.
Children may feel they are to blame for adult disagreements or bereavements within the family – a grandparent may help the children in their families understand the changes they are experiencing is not their fault.
Children benefit from reassurance at times of change – that they are loved, that it is not their fault and that they have someone to talk to about their feelings.
It is important to remember they may feel conflicting loyalties – listening without criticising either parent will help them to continueto talk about their feelings. Children may feel they are to blame for adult disagreements or bereavements within the family – a grandparent may help the children in their families understand the changes they are experiencing is not their fault.
Download '’10 tips for parents about children and separation' [PDF] which will provide you with further advice on supporting your children and your grandchildren.
Contact arrangements
Grandparents have no automatic right to be a part of a child’s life but as a last resort the court can be approached to make an "Order for contact" with members of their wider family when it is in the best interest of the child and having given full consideration to the welfare check-list (Childrens Act 1989).
The Grandparents Association can advise grandparents on contact issues and, if appropriate, may help with application forms to the court.
You may want to consider other approaches first such as writing a conciliatory letter gently requesting contact and re-assuring those involved with the child’s care of your respect for the decisions they have made.
How Mediation can assist Grandparents
If you feel unable to contact the adults who care for your grandchild you may wish to approach a mediation service for help. Your local mediation service will work with you to explain the process of mediation and discuss the best way of inviting your relatives to participate in the process.
The mediation service will also advise on the cost of mediation and whether you would be eligible for help with meeting their costs.
Mediation is voluntary for all parties and can only be effective with willing participants. Mediation offers a safe space for families to make decisions in the best interests of children.
Mediators are trained to enable participants to work towards shared decisions and plans for contact arrangements.
Download Grandparents and Grandchildren [PDF] for advice on some of the ways the Grandparents Association and your local Family Mediation Service can assist family members to continue to see each other and support children to make adjustments in their young lives.
Further Support
For more information and advice, call Parentline Plus on 0808 800 2222. Calls are free and confidential and their experts are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can also talk to a trained advisor online. Find out more at www.parentlineplus.org.uk
