Support me, I'm a Friend/Relative

Being supportive to a person going through separation or divorce is crucial. Divorce can be one of the most difficult things a person can encounter.

Many times well meaning friends or family do not know what to do when their loved one need help; instead of helping, they actually make things worse.

Here are some practical tools to help:

1.  Always fill their heart with positive message, uplifting words and encourage them to do the same for themselves.They require help with the children: encouraging them, sitting with them and walking them through the pain of their hearts.

   Basically, being a genuine friend or family member, and not by inconvenience.

2. Being a good listener is the first priority of business. Don't have all the answers, but rather, always assisting and seeking answers on how to pull them through. Give them hope, not in the marriage necessarily, but in the ability for them to walk through it.

3. Financially: He / she will need ongoing money; otherwise there is potential for poverty and / or homelessness. Rally other close relatives and friends to help. It must be ongoing (perhaps for months or years).

4. Help with working through the alimony and child support process and encourage it not to be cut short. Make a reasonable budget and go after that. Both partners have got to live.

5. Assist in finding him / her a good mediator (rather than a lawyer at an initial stage) if at all possible, who will be efficient and fair. Offering to pay for mediation may show your genuine ability to care and building trust.

6. Emotional support: They will need to call any hour of the day or night - and expect it at the most inconvenient hours. You will be their bright light in their dark hour. Do not offer anything if you will not do it.

7. Divorce support: They will need a good support team who will be there for them. A support team will be of most value so they will not be a heavy burden on a single person or family. It is easier to carry something heavy when a number of people are involved.

8. Let them know it is not the end of their world or the marriage as of yet. They cannot focus on everything being over even though their emotions will want to. Do not go there with them. They must be brought to understand this and what are the driving issues involved in the breakup.

   Most likely, they are unresolved heart issues or just plain ignorance of the dynamics of a relationship. They must evaluate what the real issues are with your help or a counsellor.

9. Be physically supportive: Attend seminars or workshops with them. Get the materials on how to move forward and build a great future.