Most books on how to get the best results from mediation for your child/ren and yourself, recommend taking a business-like approach.
Whilst we accept that to do this at such an emotional time can prove to be very difficult, we feel the following tips could be helpful.
1. Shift consciousness - you are no longer partners by team players working towards the best result - take a deep breath, hit the clutch and shift the gear, remain calm and business-like regardless of the other's behaviour.
2. Adjust expectations - don't expect friendship, approval or emotional support - the purpose of your co-parenting relationship is to work out a solution that best suits your children by shared parenting; emotional needs will be met in other personal relationships.
3. Focus on solutions, not on feelings - a jointly agreed plan is the end result - a happy child. Don't compete about who is right or who is the better parent - think what will work best.
4. Be part of a parenting TEAM - it works only when you work together and each one's input is considered. If you make independent decisions it will only invite distrust and maybe retaliation.
5. Be polite, direct and to the point - you and your ex-partner are on the same team, working for the same goal - 'what is best for your child/ren' - so you have nothing to lose. Keep your personal feelings in check, keep personal information to the minimum. Write down all decisions and agreed appointments, this will avoid misunderstanding in the future.
6. Separate how you feel about your ex-partner from how you relate to and work with them as a PARENT.
7. Separate your needs from the children's needs - focus on what they need. It is normal to feel you need them with you more, and you may see this as protecting them from missing youl couch your fears and needs in terms of what is best for them, not what is most comfortable for you. Loss of more contact is not loss of relationship. Beware of letting children feel that you need them for your happiness - that is placing a huge burden on them.
8. Consider whether some written pledges would help - e.g. 'I will never take the children away from you.'
9. Keep an eye constantly on the points of agreement that you have reached - don't let lack of agreement on one issue negate agreements on other issues.
10. Never pressure the other person for a decision - allow time for reflection on proposals. New information becomes more comfortable over time.
Download a parenting plan which will assist you to think through all the aspects of your child's life, their needs and the arrangements you are making for them
 Parenting Plan
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